DEALING WITH BREAK UPS

"I really can't do this anymore. I'm tired of our constant fights, I'm tired of the insecurity, I’m tired of you. Let's just end it ".

"I'm sorry if this hurts, but we can't keep seeing each other. It's over between us".

These are some of the things people say during a break up.

Breakups can be rough or amicable, but no matter what, nobody wants to go through them. It's never easy when a relationship ends, whatever the reason is, whether you want it or not. The breakup can either make or mar you, it can trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings.

You had your whole life planned out, both of you happy ever after. Yes? No? You had a rude awakening when your partner jumped ship, dumping the relationship and dashing your dreams. The future you always imagined was taken away within seconds, you're lost, not knowing what to do.

Breakups are hard, even harder when you never expected it. While you loved up, your partner was thinking of how to break up with you. Series of emotions rush into you-rage, loneliness, heartache, rejection or more.

For men, it's even harder than they make it seem. While women may resort to burying themselves on their beds or in bowls of ice cream and long hours of phone calls with their friends, men are mostly all by themselves. Many men resort to drinking, rebound sex or allowing their feelings explode into anger.

The big question however is "how do you cope with it?"

Here are a few tips on how to deal with a breakup:

* IT'S OKAY TO GRIEF: grief is a reaction to loss. It's normal to feel sad, frustrated and cranky. The feelings will lessen over time.

* AVOID HIBERNATION: the usual response to a breakup is to avoid social activities. This can actually make d pain linger. So, hang out with friends, family, colleagues. Be with people that make you laugh, go to the gym, swim with friends and generally make you happy.

* TAKE OFF THE GLASSES: many of us wear the *relationship glasses* after a breakup, where you see happy couples everywhere you go and you see yourself as an unwanted single person not worthy of love. This would only make you feel worse.

* REMOVE MEMORY TRIGGERS: there are different things that can remind you of your ex- pictures, clothes, songs, even smell. Don't dwell on these, walk around your house with a box and remove those reminders.

* KEEP YOUR SPACE: even if you and your ex have decided to remain friends, break away from each other right after the break up, i.e not seeing each other, no calls, text msgs, pings. This might not necessarily be permanent, but continue until you feel you can converse with him/her on a platonic level without wanting to get back together. If the *dumper* asks to see you, ask yourself "what is the point?"

* FIND HAPPINESS IN OTHER AREAS OF YOUR LIFE: there is a saying that "the best revenge is living well". Do those things that you've always wanted to do, there are personal pleasures you can enjoy on your own even if you are in a relationship.

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